Makenzie at the best night of her life
After Makenzie’s death this past month, many people have said to us, “I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t be strong like you.” In my guts, I wanted to say things like, “Sure you could … You never know until you’re in that situation … Blah, blah, blah…” But now my response is, “You’re right. You don’t have the strength to get through having to bury your 18 year old child.” Now, I’m sure there is an innate reserve of human ability that God has hard-wired into each of us, but to dive deep into the dark waters of grief, that takes something that no human possesses; a peace that goes over and above any human understanding, resource or “positive thinking”.
One thing is clear to Kellie and I right now: during the sad moments of the day when we look into the hole that has been punched through our family, God gives us what we need to get through it, not us. Sometimes, it’s the knowledge that Makenzie is dancing for her King. Sometimes, its the warm embrace we find in each other. Ultimately, He gives us the ability to stare the pain of Makenzie’s death right in the face and say, “God knows what He is doing!” We love Him more today and we did last month. We process our lives more today that we ever have in the past. And while none of this will bring Makenzie closer to us, it has definitely brought us closer to our Lord.
“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
todd
(The song, “I Will Dance For You My King” by Anthony Celia will be posted on Youtube very soon. This and many of the other songs written about her are a great source of strength for us!)
Todd,
I just received an email from Mike Thurau, with a link to your blog. I don’t know if you remember me and my wife Lois, but in the end that’s unimportant. We were so saddened to hear of the death of your daughter. You, Kellie and your family are in our prayers. Kyrie Eleison. May the eagles’ wings of God’s strength lift you high, enabling through faith to daily touch the face of God. Blessings to you in Christ our Lord, Don Schatz
Don,
yes, of course, we remember you via PLI days. it has been a tough go. Makenzie lived for Jesus and people were drawn to her like a magnet! we miss her terribly but we know that she is in the arms of Jesus and that He is in control.
Blessings!
todd
Makenzie is beautiful….I look at her picture and I don’t quite know how to feel about the fact that she is no longer here. Your blogs are a beautiful way to reach out to those of us that ache for your family. I have pondered alot over the last couple of weeks on your behalf and of course have and continue to pray for all of you!
Much love from my heart to yours!
Mr. Stocker,
This past semester, I took philosophy and studied the philosopher Rene Descartes. I dont know if you are familiar with his thoughts and theories but he speaks of something he calls the “light of nature”. I always understood what he meant by it but never actually understood what it was like to experience this light. Descartes uses the light of nature to give a reason for why he believes God exists. He says the he knows God exists because it is the only clear and distinct thought in his mind; it is the only thing that really makes sense in his life. My whole life, i have never felt this light that he talks about, but since Makenzie’s death, I felt it. I’m not even sure how to describe it. In the morning, when I go running, I can feel Makenzie and God with me as I run in the beautiful early morning sunlight. Every time I see something beautiful in nature I see Makenzie in it. Well, obviously its hard for me to even explain what I’ve realized and experienced this past month but there is one thing I can easily explain and say. I am completely and utterly inspired by Makenzie and the way she lived her life. She really was one of the most amazing and bright people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and whenever I think about her, which seems to be all the time, especially whenever I’m outside, I’m inspired to be a better person. I am grateful for having known her as long as I did. I am also inspired by your strength and faith in the lord, and hope that one day I can have as much faith as you do. Your family is amazing. As with so many others, my prayers are with you.
sorry this wasnt very eloquent.
always,
Amanda Gladu