Todd Stocker's Weblog

Ecuador day 2 – “Sameness”

Todd — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:04:46 +0000

Monte Zion Iglesia Christiana, Quito

I was surprised to find the word used for the title of this blog was actually … well … a word! Loosely, the word sameness means having qualities that are similar or the same in comparison to others. Such was my experience — or maybe awareness — of day two in Quito.

Much of the time, God is unpredictable. He does stuff, creates stuff, and has me experience stuff that I never expected. But when we stepped into worship at Monte Zion Iglesia Christiana (church) we found the same Lord being worshipped and praised. Yes, the setting was different and yes, it was all in spanish, but the sameness of the Holy Spirit guiding our hearts in praise was nothing short of breathtaking. (Frankly, I understood more of the Spanish message that I did many of the English ones I’ve heard). People loved on each other. People loved on us. We greeted each other with a ‘holy kiss.’ And it was beautiful. (Click Here for a snippet of the service).

After lunch — I mean ‘feast’ — we went to the market. Brad and Sandi noticed the increased Policia presence throughout the one-and-a-half person wide aisles of shops. I felt safe. Nathan bought hats. Maddie negotiated with the vendors and Kellie spent all of my money (did I just say that out loud?). But the people were people. Not some strange creations from a distant planet. They were God-created, God-inspired, God-loved people. The sameness of daily frustrations (albeit deepened by their desperate plight) etched lines of concern around the tight skin on their faces. The sameness of trying to make a living and doing the best they can for their families inspired them to sell the handmade cloths, sweaters and trinkets in their family shops.

Darting in and out of the familiar tourist crowds, shoeless four and five year-old children stopped only to look up to get a bearing of where they were. Some carried little boxes of gum to sell to those of us who would look down and take notice.

For me, I connected with a shop owner who was the sole holder of coffee mugs in the 30 or so rows of proprietorship. He laughed at my very weak effort at speaking Spanish and I laughed because I felt completely at his mercy. Purchasing the home-made mug, we exchanged a hand shake, a “dios te bendega” (God bless you), and I knew that God loved both of us the same.

The poverty is great here. The people are as well. And I feel a little humbled that I am now part of their world and not the other way around.

Peace

todd

(If you’d like to see our full picture directory, go to Kellie’s Facebook HERE)

(Also, feel free to ask us a question or comment below!)

Life Changing Links …

FOR THOSE OF YOU BLESSED TO KNOW BRAD AND SANDI …

Brad and Sandi Miller

Ecuador – “Kenzie would have loved this!”

Todd — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:39:42 +0000

“Kenzie would have loved this!” How many times has that phrase bounced around in my thoughts over the past few months as our family discovers it’s new normal without her. On this occasion, that phrase is bouncing off the well worn plaster walls of the small streets of Quito, Ecuador. (If you don’t know why our family is here, click here).

At around 9,000 feet, the first day in Quito has been spent acclimating to the said altitude and culture. Past experience has warned me not to do anything strenuous right away when entering into a different part of the world. Not heeding that wisdom, we climbed eight stories up to the top of the Basilica and bobbled across the dusty planks of her attic. Maybe it was the view; maybe it was the lack of oxygen, but my knees felt jiggly as I stopped and looked out across this city that is only five miles wide but twenty-five miles long. Breathtaking! Below us, some sixty feet, the muffled sound of Gregorian chant seeped through the cracks of the historic trusses.

“Kenzie would have loved this!”

Brand, Sandi and Hannah Miller brought us into the old city of Quito. ‘Old’ here does not mean built in the 1950‘s. We are talking buildings built in the 1650’s and original food recipes that I can’t even pronounce. Fresh fruit juices, empanadas and street baked peanuts and potato chips filled our tummies us as we strolled through the cobblestone street of the historic La Ronda.

“Kenzie would have loved this!”

As the hot morning sun gave way to the cold afternoon wind, we headed back to the Miller’s home and processed the day over dinner. It has been an amazing day. We’ve experienced great friends, great food, great culture, great history, and great anticipation as we think about what the Lord has in store for us tomorrow. And yes, “Kenzie would have loved this!”

Peace

todd

(If you’d like to see our full picture directory, go to Kellie’s Facebook HERE)

(Also, feel free to ask us a question or comment below!)

Life Changing Links …

Ecuador – We Made It!

Todd — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:27:28 +0000

Makenzie speaking spanish to kids in Mexico (2005)

Just a quick update to let everyone know that we made it safe and sound. God is already at work. He smoothed out the details of the flight, getting the shoes (and turkey) through Ecuadorian customs and connecting with Brad and Sandi Miller. Today is a day of acclimating to climate and culture.

I’ll be doing evening or early morning updates.

Thanks for the prayers!

Peace,

todd

(WHAT ARE WE DOING IN ECUADOR!)

Life Changing Links …

June 3rd’s Daily Devotion

Todd — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:00:01 +0000

One of the daily devotional books that I occasionally read is titled “Streams in the Dessert.” The pages are filled with wisdom and the Lord usually times the entries with what I need to hear, know or do.

I just happened to look up June 3rd in the devotional; the day of the accident that claimed Makenzie’s life. Here is the entry for the day that changed our lives. Again, the Lord knows what I need, when I need it.

JUNE 3RD — Even though we follow Christ’s command, we should not expect to escape the storm (Click Here for Makenzie’s article “Storm Ready”). In this passage of scripture, the disciples were obeying His command, yet they encountered the fieriest of storms and were in great danger of being drowned. In their distress, they cried out for Christ’s assistance.

Christ may delay coming to us during our times of distress, but it is simply so our faith may be tested and strengthened. His purpose is also that our prayers will be more powerful, our desire for deliverance will be greater, and when deliverance finally comes, we will appreciate it more fully.

Gently rebuking His disciples, christ asked, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” In effect, He was saying, “Why didn’t you face the storm victoriously and shout to the raging winds and rolling waves, ‘You cannot harm us, for Christ, the mighty Savior, is on board?”

Of course it is much easier to trust God when the sun is shining than to trust Him when the storm is raging around us. You will never know our level of genuine faith until it is tested in a fierce storm, and that is why our Savior is on board.

If you are ever to “be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power” (Ephesians 6:10), your strength will be born during a storm.

Daniel Crawford commented, “Christ said, ‘Let us go over to the other side’ – not ‘to the middle of the lake to be drowned.”

(As we travel to Ecuador to finish what Makenzie started, I’ll be updated my blog daily.)

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

In Her Own Words

Todd — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:54:58 +0000

Makenzie and friend, Riley Dempsey

In that process of hoarding Makenzie memories, we stumbled upon a disc drive containing picture and videos of years past. Scrolling through them, we discovered Makenzie’s 8^th grade graduation speech. I share this with you not to show how beautiful she is or to compare her to your children. But I share her speech because within her words are life lessons we all need to hear.

Makenzie’s 8^th grade graduation speech.

Trinity Lutheran School,

Litchfield Park, Az.

May, 2005

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

UP

Todd — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:31:16 +0000

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie UP. If you have offspring still hovering around your kneecaps, my guess is, you have. A wonderful story put to film about an older man who vows to finish a dream he and his wife held before she died; to live in their house next to Paradise Falls. Accompanied by an unwanted boy scout (Russell), the old man and little boy fight evil talking dogs, treacherous paths and a long lost aviator turned lunatic.

Throughout the 90 minute film, we laughed and cried and cried some more. For whatever reason, the movie hit us hard. Maybe it was the realization that this was the last movie that Makenzie and Maddie saw together. Maybe it was the scenes of the old man sitting alone in his chair next to his wife’s. Maybe it was the clear message of letting go of the past and going on into the future. It was probably a combination of it all. But we wept. All four of us. Wept. We wanted Makenzie there to share in our family time. We

My Snorty Laugh!

wanted to see her crinkled nose and hear her snorty laugh. We all wanted Makenzie.

But just like in the movie, we have to celebrate our past and live in the present. God has given us a chance to begin again and move into the future, bringing Makenzie’s memory with us. He is the one leading us where He desires us to go. He is the one who sees our full journey. And all He asks us to do is to continue to look … UP (Hebrews 12).

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

Tributes

Todd — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:32:45 +0000

Makenzie danced all over the United States. Missouri, Minnesota, Arizona, Louisiana, Texas, New York; many were impacted by this little ballerina named Makenzie. As a result of her influence and after she was killed, tributes of all sorts were created by those who love her. Youtube hosts many of these done by her fellow classmates and me as well (Click Here for her celebration service tribute video). Dance studios have choreographed pieces in her memory as a tribute to a life well lived and cut short. (Click Here for Caitlyn Cannon’s description of a tribute dance).

Last Saturday, the Minnesota Classical Ballet Academy – where Makenzie danced in grade school – dedicated a dance choreographed to Mozart’s Symphony No. 40 in honor of Makenzie. Within the context of the performance, a little girl occasionally walked on stage, mingled through the dancers and stood to the side, watching the others turn and move to the music. At one point, the little girl wearing lavender (Makenzie’s favorite color) knelt down and recited the words to our families evening prayer.

“Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake; I know the Lord my soul will take.”

We couldn’t hold back the tears and they washed down our faces as we were once again reminded of Makenzie’s purity, faith and joy. Surrounded by our friends, we watched the little ‘Makenzie’ stand up and be carried off by a man in white (God) as the dancers continued to perform with passion and grace.

At the end of the dance, as the last chord faded into the air, all of the performers slowly made their exit, save one. A lavender sashed ballerina, on pointe and back facing the audience, gracefully tiptoed off-stage, leaving an empty space the size of the one in our family. Wonderful. Stunning. Symbolic. Painful. But Beautiful as well. A tribute to my little ballerina who is dancing arm in arm with Jesus.

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

Thanks for the Memories

Todd — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:25:22 +0000

This past Sunday we celebrated ‘All Saints Day’ in the Church calendar. The day holds deep meaning and reverence as Christians everywhere remember those who have “gone before us” (as we gently say); those who, by God’s Grace, have been brought into His arms and whose lives while on earth, serve as examples to those of us still here. It is a festival, if you will; a festival that praises God’s Grace and the memory of the people we love.

Makenzie’s name is now added to the remembrance list of this day. And while it is nice to corporately remember her once a year in the church, yesterday, I wanted more.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had anyone in your life die without warning. I pray you haven’t. Everyday I want to rewind and have Makenzie back. Sometimes, in those “Makenzie Moments,” my mind desperately tries to personify her memories. In other words, I miss her so much that I look for any evidence that she is still alive and still here; that her memory can break the barrier between Heaven and earth in a real way. “That breeze! It’s Makenzie gently blowing.” “That shadow! It must be Makenzie’s spirit showing me a how beautiful and precise her dancing is since studying under the Master Performer!” “That sense of peace! It must be Makenzie gently touching my heart to let me know that she is ok.”

Now, no offense to those who believe that what I just wrote can happen or who believe the antithesis of what I’m about to say, but Makenzie is not looking down on us. Why would she want to? She lives in a mansion on prime real estate (John 14). She is not guiding our weather or answering our prayers in some Bruce Almighty fashion. She is not an angel that gives me a warm feeling every time I remember and learn from her example. It is God’s Holy Spirit that does that.

God gives me memories of Makenzie but not Makenzie herself. God gives me emotions that connect with songs that she loved, foods that she adored, and dances she performed … but He doesn’t give me Makenzie.

Makenzie is right where God wants her; enjoying what is promised to her because she believed that Jesus forgave the guilt of every sin she carried. My little girl is “in the hands of her real daddy” (as she wrote) and I don’t have to worry if she’ll be safe, OK or happy.

Yes, I’d like to think that Makenzie is still with me physically, but I know that she is in the presence of her King. And as her dad, that’s enough for me.

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

“I’m Back!”

Todd — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:24:36 +0000

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:20-22

I don’t know how it started or who let him in, but somehow, without warning, there he was. Laughter. Our friend from former days. Laughter. The one in our family who sat quietly during the past months as tears and weeping took their turn, helping us heal; helping us cope with Makenzie’s death. But this past weekend, Laughter jumped off the couch and rejoined our family.

It was just the four of us, huddling together at a cabin in northern Minnesota. Kellie and Maddie were playing Dutch Blitz – a card game only crazy people like – and Nathan and I were munching on chips. Before long, I noticed my gut hurting and my cheeks stained with tears. No, not the swine flu, but the result of mouth-wide-open, head-tilted, eyes-shut, full-out Laughter. This wasn’t Laughters little cousin, Giggles. This was really him! Back again. And maybe it was something Nathan said. Maybe it was something Kellie or Maddie did. All I know is that whatever ‘it’ was, Laughter took the opportunity to bring his joy back into our family.

The pain is still around. The moments of grief sometimes still consume us. But God has given back our longtime friend and it feels good.

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …

Good Try

Todd — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:59:03 +0000

Catching Snowflakes

They say that the fifith month following the death of a child is the one of the hardest. Generally, in month one, the novelty of the loss wears out. In month two, we go back to our jobs, routines, and daily life. Month three and four show us what has changed and a new normal is born. In month five, we are faced with the reality that there is a huge hole in our lives; that things aren’t the same. And we look back over our shoulder in hopes that the preceding months were simply someone’s bad joke.

October has been month five since Makenzie “cut in line.” While my experience in the hinterland of Minnesota has been good, it has also been pressing. Makenzie loved it up here. She loved the change of seasons. She loved the “Minnesota Niceness.” She loved the snow. (Where did she get that gene from?!)

So moving north has kept me from reopening the scab of loss that I felt in Houston. But it has also reminded me – especially in month five – that life, right now, is very, very different. Month five has been waiting his turn to dig up my grief. He has tried to get in my face, saying “God must not care,” and “Looks like you’re on your own.” That’s crap.

Month five is leaving at the end of this week. He tried to bury our family in despair this month but he did not succeed. He was outsmarted by a different friend of our family that God’s Holy Spirit has allowed to come back home. Someone that, for years, has helped heal our wounds, relational hiccups and painful routines. A friend that helps us realize that joy is still alive and that everything is going to be ok.

I’m glad he’s back … and I’ll introduce you to Him later this week.

Peace

todd

Life Changing Links …