Going On Without Moving On


nice smileThere are certain life events from which we move on: a bad math grade, an NBA championship upset, the multiple retirements of Brett Favre.  To me, the phrase “moving on” means it’s over and done with; in the past; don’t look back.  And in some sense, moving on is synonymous with “forget about it.”

Makenzie’s life-death-life is not something we just forget about.  The impact she made on our family (and specifically, this daddy’s heart) is not something we can leave in the past.  I now know that we, who have experienced the death of our child, don’t move on, we go on.  We don’t forget about her laugh, her smile, her joy.  We don’t pack away the light she carried into every room.  We don’t shelve the pain that every song, bobby-pin and picture brings.  But we do go on with life because life demands it.

I can’t, nay, won’t just move on.  But I can go on, knowing that for 18 years, God gave me an incredible little girl who taught me to live a life of joy, even in the middle of sorrow.

Peace

todd

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2 thoughts on “Going On Without Moving On

  1. Sally Cronin says:

    The Lord has awoken me again during the night to pray for you..it happens a couple times a night. The week of & week after Kenzie left it was especially frequent. God is providing 24/7 coverage over you and your family with all of the people who are praying on your behalf. I also pray “bullet” prayers for you several times a day – “Lift them up; “Sustain them”; “Give them Your hope”; “Pour out your mercy on the Stockers today”, etc. But there is something about the quiet of the night that is deeply personal as I think of you and this new place you find yourself standing in.

    Our family (among many) is spiritually coming along side you in your grief. We, who have known Kenzie, think of her as alive today. Not as someone in the past who once was. My grandma used to say that heaven is kind of like having someone you love be in the other room (you can’t see them, but you know they are there).

    I was thinking of her last text to Wes – “Tomo”….would SHE have even guessed that she COULD have texted “Tomorrow, I’ll be dancing before the King- can you believe it!” or “Tomorrow, I’ll be having breakfast with The One and Only, sorry I can’t meet up with you”. Mind blowing stuff. A great reminder to be right with our Maker as we never know when He is coming for us.

    Your webblog is cathartic and a blessing for many of us. Thank you for opening yourself up to so many of us in such a personal way. It allows us to understand what you are experiencing so we can pray in specific ways.

    Well, back to bed…

  2. Becky says:

    Todd and Kellie
    I received word of your precious daughter’s death back in June when it happened. I am so sorry and want you to know that people you don’t even know have prayed for you and are journeying with you. I’m calling out from Arkansas,…keep going…keep going….it won’t always hurt this bad…..Heaven is closer than we think……

    Becky
    Jae’s mom

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