Emotionally, I’d be a good agnostic (one who believes there’s a God but doesn’t believe He’s involved in everyday life). Like David in the Psalms, I cry out, “Where are you God? Have you abandon me? Are you unaware of the emptiness that swallows my ability to get out of bed? Were you sleeping when the car rolled through the intersection, was broadsided and became the death chamber for Makenzie? Where are you God?”
But what I’ve re-learned through Makenzie’s life/death/life is that those times of emotional sorrow that still ambush moments in my day are also mental reminders that God is not distant. He is not a philosophy or a life-path but a personal Being who knows what it’s like to loose a child. He reminds me that even though there are times when I feel that He’s not all that smart, He knows what He’s doing.
As Pastor Dave Marth said at Makenzie’s Celebration Service, “To God, this was no accident.” In other words, even the tragedy that took my daughter was known, and dare I say it, planned by God to show a greater purpose, my faith in God is not based on feelings but facts. Sound cliche? To me, it does. But it’s a cliche that I’ll think about. It calms my emotions, dulls my pain and gives me the moment-by-moment strength that keeps me from becoming an emotional agnostic.
I cried out to the Lord in my distress and groaned. Has He forgotten to be merciful? But then I remembered what He’s done in the past. Your ways are perfect, O God.
(from Psalm 77)
Life Changing Links …
- Tribute Video played at Makenzie’s Celebration Service.
- Makenzie’s Celebration Service Online – Click Here
- “I Dance For You My King” (Video: Makenzie’s song by Anthony Celia)
- “Image of Grace” (Video: Song written and played by Nathan Stocker)
- “Makenzie Memories” (a blog by one of her best friends, Katie Davis)