It’s a funny thing about anniversaries.  They mark significant events.  They call to mind moments of relevance.  Mostly good.  Some not.

Today’s anniversary is one I wish was not on my calendar.  It’s been three years now since Makenzie’s last sunset, her last phone call, her last text.  It’s been three years since Kellie and I frantically drove to the hospital to learn that our beautiful ballerina had been killed.  Three years since we, as a family, melted together in sorrow and wept at the foot of our Lord.  Has it been that long?

Time is a funny character.  It changes you and lets you be.  It catches up with us and doesn’t leave us alone.  In it’s ruthlessly redundant clutches, it does not give us itself to heal but chides from a few steps ahead to keep moving.  Such is the way the three years have gone.  While we have not wanted to leave that June 3rd date, Time has called us forward – not changing the ache, but diminishing the pain.  I love what my mother wrote us a few days back:

“They are  wrong….Time does not heal….it just helps you to live with the loss.”

So if that is the gift that Time has given, so be it.  However, I can still hear her voice in the ears of my soul.  I can still see her skipping with the eyes of my heart.  And I so desperately want my eternal eternity to be here so that all of us can dance again, together.  By God’s Grace in Jesus, I will do that.  And then, Time will have no power and will have simply … stopped.

But until then – sleep well, my dearest Makenzie.  sleep well.





Add yours

  1. I am on a new computer so don’t have Kellie’s e-mail address, but as I have been thinking of you and praying for you this week-end, I went on line to find you guys. I bought your first book Todd. It’s really great. We are 4+ years out now. This year has brought me more peace than the first 3, by far. I know it’s different for everyone. I will write Kellie soon when I get back to my work computer which has her address in it. I’m sure you have had many remembrances today. I hope you found a way to spend it that brought you peace. I always struggle with wanting to find the right way to ‘spend’ the anniversary dates, knowing that each one pushes us one year further away from the last time she was physically present in our lives, and knowing that each anniversary is also a date we only get to spend once. God has been gentle with us on our anniversaries and given us unexpected graces. I hope and pray that your new position gives each member of your family opportunities to be blessed and continue to be a blessing to countless others. I know that prayer has already been answered.

    In His love,
    Kelsey Shakely’s mom

  2. This post displays the amazing, articulate, loving, deep, honest man you have become – and are becoming! He has set you way, way apart from the others by walking with you and your family through this bleak, dark experience……….providing you with “a story to tell to the nations” and a vulnerability which makes you approachable to other “lambs” in His flock who need “feeding” and special tending.

    That being said, my heart absolutely breaks for you as you commemorate this anniversary……..Trusting with you that God remains in loving control ……….. all thru each earthly life issue —-looking SO forward to eternity……where and when ALL will be revealed!

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