My Makenzie Drift

img_0699_7264bOne of the most difficult experiences for those of us whose kids have died is to relate to our other “earth-walking” kids.  That’s what I’m ‘drifting’ about most recently.  Not that I wish they were like Makenzie or that they acted as the same, but I reactively want to talk to Makenzie about how awesome Nathan and Maddie are.  I wish I could see the three of them together again – laughing, fighting, goofing around.  I wish I could email Makenzie or text her to tell her about the latest song Nathan wrote or the cute boy about whom Maddie’s twitter-pated.  I wish that somehow I could get her a second cup of coffee at the Starbucks at which I’m now sitting.

It isn’t to be.  She won’t get to hear Nathan’s music or do girl-stuff with Maddie.  But She is sleeping in the arms of Jesus which, I suppose, is much grander an experience that dawdling with us.  For now, I just have my wishes and dreams that tend to drift me into a vacant gaze out a nearby window.

The chatter of two teenaged girls snap me back from my drift.  I like those drift-moments.  Some would say they’re daydreams.  Whatever.  They sit well with me because they remind me that there is more to my life than the urgency of the now.   There is “then” as well.  And sometimes, God brings my thoughts there so that I can have peace here – all riding on the wings of my Drift.



11 thoughts on “My Makenzie Drift

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  1. Pastor Todd & Family, This is Teresa Simms (my friend Bonnie Swanson were in the Discover Gloria Dei class with you and your wife).I can not say I have ever lost a child,but I know wordly pain…your posts are very inspirational to anyone who has gone through loss. Bonnie and I send you and yours our love.

  2. You did say that so wonderfully about ‘drift’ moments. Tammy was 19 when she went heaven, and would have turned 40 this coming April 13th. She would have become an Aunt 1 year ago, my grandsons only aunt. Yes, there are drift moments. Easter BLessings to you and your wonderful family! Nancy in SD

  3. Todd,
    The journey you have been on has made me weep on more than one occasion, your daughter was beautiful and from what we can see both on the inside and out golden…Joshua graduates this year and the path God has for him isn’t determined but his love of music and accapella remind me of four boys I knew that almost all became pastors, you and kellie inspire me to remember that the plan for our children is larger tha the plan we imagine….you and kellie inspire those whom have lost, and yet your two beautiful,children are awe inspiring in their talent, or should I say three as they all seem to be beautifully and wonderfully made. I don’t pretend to understand but thank you for reminding us all to cherish each moment.

    Hip monks fan club

    1. J, thanks for you note. Yes, cherish each moment with them – the good and the bad – and laugh at God’s humor in allowing such wonderful gifts to people like us. Todd

  4. You are truly gifted with being able to craft words that have great meaning. I look forward to reading your words when they appear online. May God’s Peace always be with you. Dolores

  5. Pastor Todd, I get your “drift”! Although Ron has been with Jesus 10 years (March 26), my thoughts still drift to the “what ifs”. Sometimes “they” come to me as a surrealistic dream during the night. Other times, I start to call him at work. It has been particularly tough these last 3 weeks since our grandson, Ronan, was born 2 months early (Feb 22)in VA. I know that we would have been on the first flight out of Houston if Ron were alive! I have learned through this that God’s plan is perfect & I have great hope that Ronan will thrive & grow. Also, he will become a “fighter” just like his Papa! Thanksso very much for sharing.

  6. body{font-size:10pt;font-family:arial,sans-serif;background-color:#ffffff;color:black;}p{margin:0px;}Todd, that is beautiful.  I haven’t lost a child but I know I could put my thoughts where yours are now.

  7. I surely do love the way you can put into words what others feel/think. I love my “drift” moments too – but didn’t know that’s what they were. Thankyou! Smiles…

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