One of the most difficult experiences for those of us whose kids have died is to relate to our other “earth-walking” kids. That’s what I’m ‘drifting’ about most recently. Not that I wish they were like Makenzie or that they acted as the same, but I reactively want to talk to Makenzie about how awesome Nathan and Maddie are. I wish I could see the three of them together again – laughing, fighting, goofing around. I wish I could email Makenzie or text her to tell her about the latest song Nathan wrote or the cute boy about whom Maddie’s twitter-pated. I wish that somehow I could get her a second cup of coffee at the Starbucks at which I’m now sitting.
It isn’t to be. She won’t get to hear Nathan’s music or do girl-stuff with Maddie. But She is sleeping in the arms of Jesus which, I suppose, is much grander an experience that dawdling with us. For now, I just have my wishes and dreams that tend to drift me into a vacant gaze out a nearby window.
The chatter of two teenaged girls snap me back from my drift. I like those drift-moments. Some would say they’re daydreams. Whatever. They sit well with me because they remind me that there is more to my life than the urgency of the now. There is “then” as well. And sometimes, God brings my thoughts there so that I can have peace here – all riding on the wings of my Drift.